Las Noches Restaurant
by Djesersetepenre-Khare
Summary: Aizen is punished by Soul Society to serve the citizens of Karakura by making his own restaurant. He employs his espadas and minions to work there, but unexpected things happen for the workers.Rated T for Grimmjow's, Nnoitra's, and Wonderweiss' language
1. Chapter 1

Las Noches

Grand Opening!!!!!

We sell all kinds of Food! All customers welcomed including hollows and shinigamis!

Owner: Sosuke Aizen

Manager: Ulquiorra Cifer

Waiters/Cashiers: Grimmjow Jaegerjacquez, Gin Ichimaru, Tia Harribel

Cooks: Barrigan Luisenbarn, Starrk, Kaname Tousen, Yammy Riyalgo, Zommari LeRoux, Szayel Aporro Granz,

Cleaning Duty: Nnoitra Jiruga

* * *

Ulquiorra's Restaurant Log: July 15th, 2009

Today is the Grand Opening Day for our restaurant. It was all Aizen's idea because he failed in his goal and resigned to make food for Karakura as punishment from Soul Society. Since us espadas were still under his command, we had to go to.

There were a lot of people at the grand opening. Aizen apparently had a massive store of money somewhere on Earth. How he got it, I don't know.

Aizen, gave me the job of manager since I was so responsible. I feel a warm feeling come from my chest. Then he told me to write the daily happenings in a log. I feel that feeling disappear. So the log is just a diary?!

To ensure customers, we had a buy one get one free donut deal. Also, buy one cookie, get two cookie free deals. And something about brownies.

Grimmjow and Ichigo got arrested. Nnoitra was caught sneaking into the girl's bathroom. He got his paycheck cut in half today.

Someone's hair fell off when eating Szayel's Chicken a la Francaise. I wonder what he put in it. I will have to investigate and report this incident.

Zommari was making some pumpkin cookies. Apparently, those trashy cookies which were horrible were wildly popular with the humans. I believed Zommari used his release to influence them.

Gin was found creeping out some kid's in his clown costume. We put him back to kitchen duty. The kids immediately left. I will have to ask Aizen to cut his paycheck in half as well for scaring away potential customers. Never liked clowns myself.

At the end of the day, we were cleaning up. Nnoitra was found missing again and he had kidnapped a 16 year old girl and stored her in his broom closet to do god knows what to her… I will give him minimum wage for this. Good thing Szayel had his memory erasing potion so we don't get arrested for kidnapping that girl.

* * *

A/N:

Need ideas…a lot of ideas…

reviewers may request appearances in this story (just leave a descriptions of self in the review)

we make birthday cakes too!

Next Chapter, how Aizen got his money will be revealed…

i will update this frequently to make up for short chapters!

since i am a newb at this place, what are one shots and drabbles?

3 Khare

Reviews are appreciated. Thanks for reading btw :D


	2. Chapter 2

Las Noches Café Chapter 2

* * *

Excerpt from Grimmjow's Journal

Damn, Aizen got himself whipped like a dog by Ichigo…I wish I could do that. Unfortunately, I'm in the human world now. I have to do human things like …eat… sleep… take showers. Ugh…water.

The worst part is that Aizen bought a huge house for us espadas and we had to live with each other. Nnoitra and Zommari's bedrooms were next to mine on each side. The occasional "boom!" can be heard from Szayel's room. Only god knows what he does in there…

Late last night, I heard screaming from Nnoitra's room. I groggily dragged myself to his door. I opened it.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" I snarled, sleep still trying to close my eyes. "It's the middle of the fuckin' night and…ah, god…"

Nnoitra was trying to capture Wonderweiss who had travelled in Tousen's suitcase.

"Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagghhhh!" the little arrancar yelled as he sped away from the lecherous quinto espada. Nnoitra hooked his fingers onto Wonderweiss' shirt collar. The blonde arrancar fell down.

"Stay here you little shit!" Nnoitra snarled. "Give me back my book!"

Wonderweiss bit Nnoitra's hand, but to no avail.

"Don't cha know? I got the strongest hierro outta all the 'spada!" Nnoitra grinned victoriously.

I observed the two trying to capture and escape one another. The book in Wonderweiss' hand was Make Out Paradise by Jiraiya whoever that was. How did Wonderweiss get his hands on that?

The book fell near me and I gave it to Nnoitra. "Shut up if I give it to you, perv."

Nnoitra grunted, threw Wonderweiss out, and slammed the door shut in my face.

Wonderweiss grinned at me, stupidly. I pushed him aside and went into my room.

Sunday was the off day. No work just relax, but then damn Aizen called it a movie day.

"Movies?" Ulquiorra echoed in his monotone way.

"Yes," Aizen smiled in a patriarchal way. "You will find someone very familiar in this one."

The film began playing. The titles blared Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith. Then there were really long opening credits explaining what happened before. The only one who looked interested was Szayel.

Then there was some battle in space using little crafts. There were lots of explosions. Most of it was being done by the good guys, Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi.

They got into a very big space ship and killed droids inside. Then there was this mega big _thing_ with an ugly face.

Well apparently, Anakin and Obi-wan are trying to find this chancellor, whoever the hell that was.

Ulquiorra was looking quite flabbergasted sitting next to me. His eyes were following Anakin across the TV screen. Was he some kind of homo or something?

Hmm…Anakin reminded me of someone I've seen before. Someone sitting in this room.

The realization hit me like a bullet.

Ah, god…Aizen was starring in this movie as Anakin?!?!

* * *

A/N

Make Out Paradise By Jiraiya is property of Naruto

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith is property of George Lucas

Apparently, when I first started drawing Aizen in his Captain style and glasses, he looked like Anakin with glasses. Then I drew Anakin and he looked like Aizen without glasses. That's why Aizen has a lot of money. He was acting in a movie as a way to get income!

Thanks for reading! Reviews are appreciated!

\


	3. Chapter 3

Las Noches Café Chapter 3

* * *

Excerpt from the Journal of Grimmjow

Aizen cheerfully explained after the movie about how he was working his ass off in a movie about people blowing each other up in the future. Then the cash came pouring in and he was a secret millionaire when not planning world domination of Soul Society, etc, etc.

It occurred to me it was strange since Aizen was not that type of people to run around slashing people with glowing swords and using the "Force" to kill people. Or wearing that Darth Vader suit. Or maybe he is. It would be quite funny.

* * *

Excerpt from Nnoitra's diary

The next time I see that little shit stain Neliel, I will personally shove her into my pants. And the other little shit Ichigo. I will give him to Szayel to experiment his pink hair dye on. And drip detergent and shampoo into his eyes.

Stupid faggot.

* * *

Excerpt from Szayel Aporro's Scientific Journal

Nnoitra has promised me a test subject for Venus Hair Dye, my new company. I would love to see if my dye works well. Or if it even actually works.

* * *

Excerpt from Ulquiorra's Log

If Aizen is Anakin, he must be able to do the same thing that Anakin must do. Thinking about this, Aizen can be ten-folds stronger than he originally was.

I have summed up his abilities.

Use the Force

Kyoko suigetsu

Expertly use a Lightsaber

At this point, I stopped because what if Aizen-sama concludes from this writing that we were plotting against him to leave him to run the restaurant himself.

* * *

A/N

updating soon as possible

for those who like this story, you can read Dawn, another story by me

Sorry about the advertisement.

If your b-day or any other special day is coming, leave a review here stating what day, and Cafe Arrancar will gladly cater you! (meaning in the story!) Please also leave a names and it can be fake names.

Thanks for reading! Reviews appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

Las Noches Café Chapter Four

* * *

"Miyako-san," Gin grinned. "What can I get you?"

The student in question pondered at the menu. "Hmmm. This shrimp tempura sounds yummy. I thought this was a Spanish restaurant!"

Gin's smile fell a little bit. "Erm, well, we do have paella, whatever that is." Gin looked at the menu. He had not gotten used to the menu yet. "It's rice with vegetables and other stuff."

"Like what kind of other stuff?" Miyako asked.

Gin scrutinized the menu. "Um, well, seafood, meat, sausages."

"Can I have the shrimp tempura, hibachi chicken, seafood paella, and lemon Italian ice."

Gin scrawled it down. "Sure, Miyako-san. Thanks for eating at Las Noches Café!"

The waiter sped away to the kitchens.

* * *

Excerpt from Ichigo's Journal:

Damn. I heard of a new restaurant in town. Massive, yes massive waves of reiatsu was exploding from it. I took Renji and Toshiro out to check it out.

The first person that greeted me was the former 3rd company captain Gin Ichimaru.

"Welcome to~" he stopped in his tracks as he saw me. How could he even see with his eyes closed?

"You!" Toshiro growled. He prepared to lunge at the traitorous captain. Renji restrained him.

"Well, hello, Kurosaki-kun! Hitsugaya-taichou! Abarai-kun!" Gin grinned. "Welcome to our humble restaurant!"

Toshiro could not be restrained. It is a wonder that one little boy could pack such a punch. "You traitorous slime!"

The scuffle brought everyone in the restaurant's attention to us. Among them, I saw most of the espada, and couple of customers.

"Please return to your seats, esteemed customers," a familiar figure with black hair pushed his way through the mass of humans and toward me.

"You!" I cried, pointing to the man.

"Kurosaki!" he replied with equal venom.

It was Ulquiorra, and he looked quite ridiculous with a chef's hat and apron over his espada uniform.

"So are you here to order?" Ulquiorra asked.

"No."

"Then why are you in here? Please remove yourself from this restaurant if you do not require our services. You, little boy, please stop aggressively assaulting my employee or there will be dire consequences when I report this to the authorities!"

Suddenly, there was a snarl. Grimmjow, that bastard, pounced onto me.

"Time to get back at you, little shit!" he roared.

"Grimmjow, stop assaulting Kurosaki, or I'll cut your paycheck in half!" Ulquiorra snapped.

The sexta got off of me. He glared at me with eyes that were like bullets. "Next time, Kurosaki, and I'll make you squeal like a three year old confronted by insects!"

"You squeal like one!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Please remove yourselves!" Ulquiorra pushed us out.

So that was that…

* * *

Excerpt from Grimmjow's Journal:

That little shit Ichigo came at the restaurant today! The little bastard! Too bad I didn't get to land a punch.

* * *

A/N: updated quite quickly this time. The chapters are easy to write

Thanks for reading! We cater for all kinds of events! Reviews Appreciated!


	5. Chapter 5

Las Noches Café Chapter Five

* * *

Excerpt from Ulquiorra's journal

I discovered Gin giggling in the back of the restaurant while watching a video on his iPod.

"What are you watching?" I asked him. "Shouldn't you be at the front desk?"

"Why Caramelldansen!" Gin grinned slyly. "You might like it, Ulqui-kun!"

Ulqui-kun? How dare he refer to me by that name?! I took an earphone and glanced at the screen. How do you say it…I blanched.

The video was utter blasphemy to me. Grimmjow and I were putting our hands on our heads and…moving our hips around. All of this while listening to upbeat music.

I wanted to kill him there or now… or I can get someone else to do it for me.

Degenerate scum.

* * *

Excerpt from Grimmjow's diary

Ulquiorra goes up to me and says. "Hey. Go watch Gin's video."

So then I pops over to Gin and was like, "Hey, wassup man. How's it goin'?"

And he's like, "Yo, Grimm-kun, watch this video. It'll blow your mind away!"

So then I watch it…

"OMG! OMG!"

How could I be dancing with Ulquiorra?! He's the last person I would do it with besides Nnoitra.

I punched Gin in his foxy face and made him squeal like a little girl. Then I felt much, much better.

* * *

Excerpt from Aizen's Journal of Wisdom

Gin went up to me today with a bloody nose and said, "Yo, Aizen-sama! I got a great idea for increased business!"

"What is it?" I muttered as I played Pokémon on my jail broken iPod. My shellgon had just evolved into a salamence. I was so happy.

"We could dance Caramelldansen."

"What is this Caramelldansen?"

Gin showed me the video and I could not help but smirk at Ulquiorra and Grimmjow chibis awkwardly dance.

"Yes that is a good idea. Gin you are now elevated to advertisement person. Whatever that is called."

"Yes, Aizen-sama," Gin grinned.

I could tell he had a good idea up his sleeve.

* * *

A/N

Sorry for long wait…had to go fishing a couple of days ago

If any of you are wondering...search "ulquiorra grimmjow caramelldansen bleach" up on youtube


	6. Chapter 6

Las Noches Café Chapter 6

* * *

Excerpt from Grimmjow's Journal

Aizen called a meeting on Sunday. Apparently he had a great idea relating to advertisement.

"Hello, my esteemed espadas," Aizen smiled in his patronizing way. "My advertisement manager, Gin, has found a great way to boost sales."

The shinigami took out a chart showing the plummeting cash gain of the days since we opened. "Thus we need to show Karakura that we are still here and our food is awesome!"

There were half-hearted mumbles of agreement from the espadas.

Gin stepped up. "Well, I have decided to ask the Manga Con to be here in Karakura. My sister is the head of it."

"You have a sister?!" Nnoitra blurted. "Is she pretty?"

Gin glared at him. "Of course I do. She's going to put the Manga Con here."

Ulquiorra blanched if it was possible to get any whiter than he already is. "But are we actually able to serve that many people, Gin-san?"

"Szayel agreed to use his fraccion to work for awhile. According to his calculations, we can serve that much with their help," Gin explained. "So giddy up, 'spadas. We're gonna serve a lot of food!"

Damn…I don't want to work any more…

* * *

Excerpt from Ulquiorra's Log

What is this preposterous idea proposed by Gin-san? Manga Con? Gin's sister? The human world is a confusing place…

* * *

Excerpt from Wonderweiss' Diary

I caught a butterfly today, but fuckin' Nnoitra killed him. Then, I was playing with my boat in Tosen's Zen meditation garden and I was a pirate. Nnoitra broke my boat.

I hate that friggin' pedophilic faggot. I hope he falls down a deep hole. A very deep hole, and never comes out.

Or I can plan my revenge at the Manga Con. It would be fuckin' awesome to embarrass him in public!

Arghhhh ~ signing off, Captain Wonderweiss Margera of the _Butterfly.

* * *

_

Excerpt from Gin's Journal:

I called my sis Ginhime today. She says the Manga Con would be somewhere around next week. The whole next week starting on Sunday.

The mangas included Bleach, which was the story of Ichigo Kurosaki (I hate this guy) and his adventures. Fortunately, this also included us, which will be great since they will flock to see the authentic "cosplay" (I think that is what it is called) of their favorite characters.

There will also be other manga of less significant value than ours…but the main thing is that we are in it and we will be able to make lot's'o'money!

* * *

A/N: Wonderweiss always struck me as the type of timid guy with bad-ass personality, as shown in chapter 367 of bleach


	7. Chapter 7

Las Noches Chapter 7

* * *

"Yo, Yammy! Get that dog out of the kitchen!" Gin yelled at the bulky arrancar. Yammy growled and grudgingly took out his little hollow dog, with he named Yippy.

"Aww…"

"Szayel, don't put as much pink coloring into the cookie! That's too pink!"

"Grimmjow, that's less Grimmjow muffins than I wanted! How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Zommari, that is more pumpkin pies than we require for a dozen Manga Con!"

It went around like that for about just the rest of the week.

* * *

The menu for the Manga Con included many foods made by the staff of Las Noches, and included: Grimmjow Blueberry Muffins, Szayel Cookies, Zommari Pumpkin Pies, Yammy Yam French Fries, Stark Western Style Cowboy Steaks, Barrigan Southern Style Fried Chicken Steak, Halibel's sushi bar, Ulquiorra Chocolate Cake, Nnoitra Chocolate covered praying mantises (for the adventurous eaters), and Aaroniero Clam Chowder. There was also a salad bar.

Then Aizen called a meeting. "Tomorrow is the first day of the Manga Con. Your schedules will be handed out tomorrow, espadas. Szayel's fraccion will take over the kitchen and serving crew for you to entertain the guests."

"Like what kind of entertaining?" Nnoitra giggled lewdly.

"Banish those thoughts from your mind please," Ulquiorra hissed. "Degenerate scum…"

"Oh, no not that kind of entertainment," Aizen chuckled. "And I did check on the state of your apartment. Why do you have sex toys and other disturbing items in there?"

Nnoitra face fell. "Uhh…someone is using my place as storage."

"Oh," Aizen nodded. "Let's continue. The Manga Con staff will be staying the spare apartments in the apartment building I purchased. Please do not annoy them or be obnoxious. This counts for everyone that comes, including the otakus."

Grimmjow chuckled. "What if they are obnoxious to you?"

Aizen sighed. "They're guests here. Did I mention that if the Manga Con is successful, we will be able to get donations?"

Grimmjow shut his mouth.

"Second rule, this is especially for you, Ulquiorra, is that you are not to offend the guests in any way, especially if their cosplay does not look like you."

Ulquiorra coughed softly into his hand.

"Szayel, do not kidnap anyone for your experiments, please."

Szayel looked crestfallen and nodded.

"Zommari, do not attempt to control someone with your release."

The seventh espada didn't do anything.

"Nnoitra and Grimmjow, do not pick a fight with everyone you meet."

Grimmjow and Nnoitra groaned with disgust.

"Starrk. Please do not entertain the guests with only sleeping."

Starrk did not reply, because he was sleeping.

"Barrigan, do not attempt to recruit the guest into your fraccion."

Barrigan grunted affirmatively. "Fine."

"Halibel, wear less revealing clothes, or you'll have every male in the place following you like a love-sick puppy."

Halibel's reaction could not be known because of her shirt.

"Aaroniero, hide your face."

"Aww man…" the novena espada muttered.

"And last but not least, Yammy, please keep the dog from biting people. That's the end of the meeting. You are all dismissed."

* * *

A/N new chapter...and i seem to be churning out a lot of chapters lately for this :)

Thanks for reading everybody!


	8. Chapter 8

Las Noches Café Chapter 8

The otakus streamed into the square of Karakura town in front of where the restaurant was. It was packed as tight as a suitcase full of Luppi's Victoria's Secret merchandise.

"Ohhh, Mr. Jeagerjacquez," someone cried as they tried to grab a fistful of the sexta espada's hair. "Can you come over to my house for my birthday? Can I have a chunk of your hair?"

Grimmjow shrank back. "Um, no. I have too much things to do…"

Someone else shoved a bag over Grimmjow's face and tried to kidnap him, saying that this was for the good of Grimmjow to not let him get contaminated. Luckily, the security guards saved him.

"Mr. Cifer," a reporter began, "are you emo?"

"Emo?" Ulquiorra echoed. "I'm afraid I have not heard of this term before."

"It means emotional. There is a video on YouTube about this that someone found."

*Gives Ulquiorra portable TV* (To see video, use this link: .com/watch?v=v-fGOAMHBYM.)

Ulquiorra blanched again. Was he really this popular with his fans? "Excuse me, but I don't believe that is true. I am not a homosexual, nor do I cut my wrists."

Starrk was sleeping on a bench. Many otakus were taking pictures of him as if he was a panda. He did have the same kind of appeal as a panda.

Barrigan ran away from a couple of old ladies pursuing him, screaming, "Barrigan, we love you!" while toting trays full of cookies with whipped cream that looked like Barrigan faces.

Harribel was quite successful in her little sushi stand. There were all kinds but the most popular kind was spicy tuna and eel. By the afternoon, all of the sushi was sold out. Harribel had made more money than the entire restaurant could make in one week.

Nnoitra was jealous of her because his fancy multi-purpose spoons weren't selling well. He attempted to steal some money from Harribel, but got busted and publicly humiliated on public television.

Zommari was teaching the otakus how to relax themselves by using yoga and meditation. It was quite popular and he gave out free pumpkin pies.

Szayel was experimenting on a couple of fake subjects and teaching the crowd how to properly dissect a frog. Then he ate one of his fraccions in front of a group of girls. They had never thought the task would be so ghastly, and they either ran away screaming or fainted on site.

Aaroniero hid himself in a little corner because a couple of people made fun of his face. He got a console payment to make him feel better.

Yammy was selling his yam products. His dog got kidnapped by a couple of otakus to stuff and mount on a stand, but the espada didn't care. He spent the rest of the day chasing the grandmas that were pursuing Barrigan. Yammy ate all their cookies.

A/N: for readers who can't find the Ulquiorra Grimmjow Caramelldansen: .com/watch?v=z_bLZ-pBMHY

Thanks for Reading! Reviews appreciated!

PS: for crimsonwolf333's question, I don't own Bleach and the aizen picture is just one of my drawings of him. I'm not Tite Kubo!


	9. Chapter 9

Las Noches Café Chap 9

"This is Kira Atsumichi on Channel Five Karakura News. Apparently there has been an attempted robbery at one of the Manga Con's food stands. Nnoitra Jiruga, an employee at the new restaurant Las Noches who is also serving the food at the Manga Con, attempted to steal from colleague Tia Harribel. Apparently, Jiruga is anti-feminist and jealous that Harribel was earning more money than him. When we asked Jiruga what he was going to do with that money, he said he will buy Make Out books by the popular author, Jiraiya, as well as more sex toys for his collection.

"What shocked us most of all was that the large plasma screen TV began playing a YouTube video in the middle of the Convention. Here are our live reporters from the scene."

"Thank you, Kira. This is Ano Ioya on site at the Manga Con. If you look behind me, you will see the giant plasma screen television playing a video of what seems like the restaurant employee Nnoitra Jiruga in Victoria's Secret in the bra section. We do not know if this is a practical joke or something like that. Oh my god. What is that?"

TV: "I'm dark and sensitive with low self esteem. Everyday I dress make it feel like Halloween. I have no real problems but I like to make believe. I stole my sister's mascara, now I'm grounded for a week. Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies. I can't get through a Holland Heights album without sobbing…" (If you have seen the YouTube video .com/watch?v=v-fGOAMHBYM , you will understand.)

Ioya: "It seems that another restaurant employee is on this YouTube video! It turns out to be Mr. Ulquiorra Cifer who is whiter than usual. Mr. Ulquiorra, can we get your comments for this?"

Ulquiorra: "…"

Ioya: "It appears that Ulquiorra is not in the mood for comments. Another video has been played on the screen. A blue haired man is dancing with Mr. Cifer here. Oh my god, it seems that Mr. Cifer has fainted! Someone! Call the ambulance! Now continuing on the report, the blue haired man is one of our most lovable espada, the little kitten named Grimmjow."

*runs up to Grimmjow*

Ioya: "Mr. Grimmjow, may we have your comments on this?"

Grimmjow: "WTF is this man?!"

Ioya: "Wait, you mean that this wasn't planned? Let's go to the Gina Ichimaru, the Manga Con organizer. Ms. Ichimaru, may we have your comments about this?"

Ms. Ichimaru: "This isn't planned, but it is great for laughs!"

Ioya: "As stated by Ms. Ichimaru, it seems that the whole crowd is laughing! Now there's a new video!"

(Video Link: .com/watch?v=1pvdA9IsBGk Ulquiorra throwing glasses at Aizen to the tune of "Levan Polkka.")

Ioya: "The owner of the restaurant has come outside to view what is happening! He is apparently shaking in rage at the video."

Aizen: "What the?! What is this? Who is doing this?"

Ioya: "There's someone up by the screen! The perpetrator is small, blonde, and carrying a sword! Is he a terrorist?"

Random Otaku: "Oh my god, it's Wonderweiss!"

Group of Girls: "Wonderweiss we love you!"

Grimmjow: "You little shit! Come down here!"

Ioya: "The perpetrator of these videos happens to be Wonderweiss Margera, a child arrancar who lives in Tousen's closet and suitcase. The girls have given him a welcome fit for the Jonas Brothers. He has a penchant for mischief. Now he is playing a last video, which appears to be stored on his iTouch."

(Link: .com/watch?v=4_7F6rbMJMM)

Aizen: "Wonderweiss! I'll lock you in Nnoitra's closet for this!"

Ioya: "Apparently, Wonderweiss has a penchant for Caramelldansen videos of his colleagues."

Gin: "Haha…I enjoyed it. But the bad part is that I look like a girl."

Group of girls with silver hair: "Gin we love you!"

Ioya: "Ano Ioya, signing off."

Atsumichi: "Thank you, Ano, for the awesome report. Now to the weather…"

A/N: what are the little stories at the end of manga called, often making fun of a character?

Thanks: Khare the noob

Also, thanks for reading! Reviews appreciated!

For my anonymous reviewer, I'll include your birthday catering in one of the little stories at the end of a manga!


	10. Chapter 10

Las Noches Café Chapter 10

Spoiler Warning up to chap 370

* * *

Wonderweiss' Diary

A mob of angry arrancars with flaming torches assaulted my private fortress.

"Wonderweiss, I'll kill you for this!"

"Come out, you little shit-stain!"

"I'll throw you into Victoria's Secret and lock you in!"

I giggled. They were not getting into my place. The only person I told the location to was Tousen, and apparently, that bastard betrayed me. And he gave me cookies back then!

My fortress is in Hueco Mundo, where I spent my time as vasto lorde. Surprisingly, I was the most powerful hollow in the entire world (mwahahahha!). That was something that little blue kitten Grimmjow didn't understand. And Tousen thinks he can tame me by giving me cookies? I was too powerful!

Damn, what the hell was that?

Gotei 13 people?! Aizen must have enlisted their help in capturing. What would they do to me after they catch me? I will not let them catch me!

There was Captain Bitchninja and Captain Tuberculosis.

They were easy kills. I sent a couple of ceros down.

Damn, again! They dodged it! Why is the world against me?!

Well whatever. Time to use my super secret ultra awesomeness pet menos! Go, Chunky!

Chunky the giant menos flew down and tiny menoses came from his mouth.

"Mwahahaha! You'll never defeat me, fools!" I laughed at them as the menoses began attacking the angry group.

Barrigan, while running, had a heart attack from over-exertion and fell down. He pressed his life-alert necklace thing and the ambulance came and took him away.

"Serves you right!" I grinned. "Stupid old man."

I giggled and ran back into my fortress. I would like to see them go through the traps in there….

* * *

So thus the brave group ventured into the fortress of Wonderweiss Margera…

"WTF!" Grimmjow screeched as a giant Ronald McDonald chased after the group.

Ronald began throwing big Macs at them which exploded on contact. Then a giant Burger King burst out of a corner and assaulted them with a barrage of fries.

"We're trapped!" Captain Jushiro yelled with horror and began coughing.

Ulquiorra glared at the two towering fast food giants. "I'm getting Wonderweiss no matter what!"

The emocar fired a cero at the giant Ronald McDonald, which exploded. Burger King hurled a whopper Jr. It sailed after Soi Fon.

Grimmjow pushed Soi Fon down onto the ground. The whopper hit the wall nearby.

"You saved me…" the Captain muttered, her cheeks turning red.

"Yeah…" Grimmjow blushed.

"Cut the crap over there! That giant thing is still coming!" Ulquiorra snapped.

Everyone was shocked. Did Ulquiorra just curse?

Jushiro used his shikai to throw a whopper back at the Burger King. The thing exploded, sending yummy Burger King products down from the ceiling.

"Yum! Fish filet!" Grimmjow nommed a sandwich.

"Look, a door!" Nnoitra announced. Indeed, it was a door…

* * *

What will happen next?!

Srry about the long waits, my internet keeps on crashing at random times so i couldn't upload.

TY...Djesersetepenra-Khare

Thanks for everyone that reviewed during my absence.


	11. Chapter 11

Las Noches Café Chapter 11

AKA the Pokémon Episode

* * *

Our heroes venture into the depths of Wonderweiss' dungeon. Assaulted by fast food icons, attacked by menoses, they trudged on and opened the door…

Ulquiorra walked into the room from behind the door. "What is this?"

The room was more like a giant stadium. There were stands with fake cardboard cut-outs of people. There was a giant plasma screen TV.

Wonderweiss' grinning face filled the screen. "Hello, Soifon, Jushiro, Ulquiorra, Nnoitra, and Grimmjow. Welcome to the Fun-House."

"Fun House?!" Grimmjow exclaimed. "What is this?"

"HEY!" Ulquiorra clipped the back of Grimmjow's head. "Don't repeat me!"

Grimmjow rubbed his head. The cuarta had never been acting like him-self since the incident with the videos. Maybe the flashing images gave him some sort of brain trauma.

"To pass this room, you must defeat a three on three match of Pokémon against computers."

"Pokémon?! I hate that game! Especially when Grimmjow bought all those Skitty plushies for his room," Ulquiorra roared.

"Shut up!" Wonderweiss yelled back. "You get three random Pokémon out of six from the machine over there. They're all level 100. If you lose, you have to repick and fight three sets instead of one! Let the games begin!"

The screen buzzed and went black.

"OMG! My favorite Pokémon!" Nnoitra crowed as he picked up a pokéball labeled "Jynx." "Heh, I book Nidoqueen and Scyther!"

"Hm…this is going to be easy…" Grimmjow grinned and picked up the pokéballs labeled "Persian," "Delcatty," and "Umbreon."

Ulquiorra was pondering to whether pick "Typhlosion" or "Arcanine" to his "Crowbat" and Feraligator. He picked the Typhlosion.

Soi Fon instantly picked out "Ninjask," "Beedrill" and "Glaceon."

"What is Pokémon?" Jushiro chirped.

DUM-DUM-DUM!

"Any respectable asian should know what Pokémon is!" the sexta espada exclaimed as all of the other people who had picked theirs stared at the thirteenth captain. "Aren't you one?"

Ulquiorra's eye twitched. "Here, just use these."

He shoved "Golem," "Snowlass," and "Hippowdon" into Jushiro's arms.

"Alright then," Jushiro nodded.

Sounds of Pokémon battles filled the air. Who would win, and who would stay behind?

* * *

"GO PERSIAN!" Grimmjow roared as he threw the pokéball with all of his might. The cat Pokémon burst out from the ball and landed with a hiss.

"I choose you, Pikachu!" the computer blared in a synthetic Ash voice.

"Persian, use Slash!"

"Pikachu, use Zap Cannon!"

Pikachu pikachu'd and a powerful bolt of energy hit Persian. Persian screeched with pain and fell backwards with a thump. Persian recovered quickly and slashed Pikachu's face.

"Pikachu, quick attack now!"

"Persian, use Faint Attack!"

The yellow mouse thing slammed into Persian. Persian fainted.

"No!" Grimmjow yelled out. "Persian, return! Go, Delcatty! Double-Edge now!"

"Pikachu, use Zap Cannon!"

Zap Cannon missed and exploded against the wall. Delcatty slammed into Pikachu. Pikachu was in the yellow now, while Delcatty was at full HP.

"Delcatty! Use Metronome!"

Shiny stuff appeared around Delcatty. Then, the ground began shaking. Pikachu fainted.

"Yeah!" Grimmjow grinned. "Awesome! Great job, Delcatty! We're gonna win this!"

"Go, Bellossom! Use Sunny Day!"

A flower thing appeared. It had two red flowers on its head. Then the sun shone brighter.

"Delcatty, use metronome!" Grimmjow ordered.

Shiny stuff appeared again, and Delcatty exploded. It killed Bellosom as well.

The robot glared at Grimmjow. "I will now use Rhydon."

"I'll use Umbreon! Don't fail me!"

"Rhydon, use Rollout!"

The giant dino-rhino thing rolled toward the small black cat-like creature, who neatly dodged the attack.

"Umbreon, use Shadow Ball!"

Umbreon hurls a black blob at Rhydon. The blob slammed into the horn Pokémon whose HP was now in the low yellow.

"Rhydon, Earthquake now!"

Umbreon was hit with a powerful quake. He fainted.

"You lose!" the robot crowed victoriously.

Grimmjow fumed. "Screw the rules! I must kill Wonderweiss!"

He blasted a cero into both Pokemon and robot. They died and he went through.

* * *

Hi again!

New update quite fast, eh?

~Khare


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